Published here May 2015
Many executives are poor listeners, according to Craig Juengling. Nearly half of the leaders he works with, he says, need to dramatically improve their listening skills. Listening is an ability essential to lead effectively, and it impacts many leadership competencies such as emotional intelligence, collaboration, team leading or strategic thinking. Juengling, a former hospital system CEO and an accredited executive coach, offers these tips for executives to listen up.
- Lay the groundwork. Tell your colleagues you want to become a better listener. In doing so, you have raised the ante by telling your direct reports, peers and your boss that you want to become more effective at this skill. Create a safe and open environment for the speaker. Your words, tone, and body language must all align to communicate safety and receptivity. Don’t “shoot the messenger,” because there is no better way to stop the conversation then overreacting to someone else’s communication. Stay in control of your emotions, and never raise your voice.
- Be physically and emotionally present. Being physically present means stopping everything else. Stop the multitasking and texting, and ignore the computer’s incoming emails. Make eye contact and square your body to a parallel position to the speaker, or get out from behind your desk and sit next to the person speaking. Being emotionally present means being “in the moment” and completely attentive to the other person.
- Develop good behaviors. Listen with an open mind, and don’t be judgmental.If you already have your mind made up, why did you bother to ask in the first place? You will also have a better outcome from the diversity of thought and the additional engagement from your colleagues. Watch your body language. No arms crossed, make eye contact, and demonstrate acknowledgment of the message. Nod your head slowly and sit forward. Face the speaker head on, and be sure you smile.
- Stay with the conversation. Ask questions to clarify and open the conversation further. Use the words “listening” or “hearing” or their words in those clarifying questions, which will demonstrate active listening. Ask questions that open the conversation further, not narrow it. Allow the speaker to complete his or her sentences and thoughts. If your speaker rambles off track, you can gently prod him or her back with a clarifying question. Do not let your mind race ahead or begin thinking of a rebuttal or some clever commentary. You cannot think and be completely focused on hearing the speaker if your mind wanders.
- Embrace feedback. Find your listening coach. Find a person (or several people) with whom you interact regularly, witness you interacting with others, and with whom you have a high trust relationship. Give them permission to give you feedback, and then change your behavior. Ask for feedback, and tell them you need their help. Asking for help is a sign of strength, and it allows you to get the information you need to make the required behavior changes. Just smile and say “thank you” when they give you the feedback. Lastly, incorporate the feedback in your behavior. It will take some time to develop good listening habits; have high expectations of yourself, but also be realistic. Faltering is not failing, and you should expect it will take many months to really develop the skills of a great listener.